The Birth Advice I Didn’t Follow


Advice FeatureIs there anything you would change about your children’s births? I don’t mean things that were out of your control, but something you could have done differently. I’ve reflected on this a lot over the past year because I loved every minute of my daughter’s birth and would do it all over, exactly as it happened…except one part. I wish I had put more limits on visiting in the hospital. I read the same piece of advice over and over before giving birth, and I was so sure I’d be able to stick up for our needs and wants. Unfortunately, I didn’t. 

Almost all of our family is in Milwaukee, and all of them came to the hospital the day after our daughter Rosalia was born. To be fair, we let them.

the best
Our first snuggle – it went by so fast!

I felt a lot of pressure, though. That was a mistake and I really hope if you’re reading this and in the same boat, don’t feel bad for vocalizing and sticking to what you and your family (spouse + babies) want.

This is probably the most important advice for new parents – only do what YOU think is best, not what other people want.

In the hospital, while I obviously enjoyed staring into my daughter’s beautiful face, it got a little boring waiting to go home. I appreciated the company and excitement, but visitors lingered way too long. A quick visit, or waiting until we were home, would have been much more relaxing and enjoyable for all of us. 

It didn’t help that the nursing staff let everyone pile in without asking first. Originally, we told them to always tell us when someone arrived. I didn’t want random people walking into my room while I was still bleeding all over the place. Making your wishes for your postpartum care clear to your birthing staff is crucial to the birthing experience. Unfortunately, ours weren’t honored and it’s a big reason I don’t want to go back to that particular birthing center. 

My doula, Kara, showing me proper nursing technique.

It was just very overwhelming and I didn’t know how to say “no.” I was also just learning how to nurse, so many times when I felt like it was time to try again (even if she wasn’t crying), but I couldn’t because too many people were around. Next time, I’m not even letting people come to the hospital. They can visit us at home – with food.

I asked my best friend what her biggest regret was and it was completely the opposite! Next time, she said, she will actively ask people to come visit. With their Milwaukee family being very small, there wasn’t a parade at the hospital and she felt isolated and lonely. Personally, I avoid a new family in the hospital because I wouldn’t want to be visited. But if you’re someone who enjoys company, reach out and make sure people know. Next time I’ll be visiting her in the hospital because now I know she enjoys that.

Were you vocal about what you did and didn’t want regarding your new parenthood? What’s the one piece of new mom advice you wish you had followed? If you have another child, do you think you will do things differently?

Let us know below!


  1. Hey Luciana, not sure why I just saw this post now… But I agree with you! While I do enjoy a few visitors at separate times, I also have a ton of family and friends in town that wanted to come and visit. I was very clear with them that we would let them know when they could come – and luckily our families were compliant. Mostly the problem was all the neices and nephews! When my second was born, there were 10 others already!!! So my greatest fear was all of them coming at once! Um, no thanks. Lol visitors at home were much better. Thanks for sharing your birth story (sort of) ☺


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