I’m living life as a toddler mom for the fifth time. Yes, I am now accepting all donations of dark chocolate. I’m in the warrior-mama stage of life as a toddler mom. You know the stage… mama vs. tantrums and nap strikes. When he can throw his 35 pound weight around and leave you wishing you’d started taking that Barre class. And even though this isn’t my first time living toddler mom life, I wouldn’t exactly say it’s gotten any easier. But luckily I’ve gotten a little smarter and have picked up a thing or two about what it’s like to be the mom of a toddler. Trust me when I say at the end of these toddler years, you’ll have learned quite a few things that you’ll never forget.
Things you’ll learn from life as a toddler mom
- Be okay with never getting anything right. If you give him the blue cup, he’ll want red. If you cut his sandwich, he’ll be devastated and want it put back together.
- What she loved yesterday, she’ll hate today. Loved bananas so much she wouldn’t eat anything else? Today they’re worthless and will be thrown across the room, no matter how exciting you make them sound.
- A slap in the face after you say “I love you” is actually a sign of affection.
- Diaper changing will become an Olympic sport, and you’re the gold medalist.
- Your silver medal? Getting your toddler into the car seat. It will involve wrestling him in while he wails in your ear that he doesn’t want to go.
- If you have some form of liquid in a glass, she will dump it. Coffee is best stored in a stainless steel, unbreakable tumbler from now on. Life as a toddler mom depends on it.
- If you have an open box of cereal, he will dump it.
- You can enlist the help of Daniel Tiger, Super Nanny, or whatever other trick you have up your sleeve for potty training, but it will basically come down to whether or not he likes the character on the underpants you’ve chosen that day.
- Once he learns the word poop, he is guaranteed to proudly announce in the middle of church on Sunday that yes, he does have poop.
- You’ll never, ever put the bag of grapes close to her seat in the grocery cart ever, ever again. Let’s be honest, life as a toddler mom is basically becoming a personal cleaning service.
- That bookshelf full of board books doesn’t matter anymore. Life as a toddler mom means that you only read Snuggle Puppy now. Over and over and over and over….
- If you accidentally say a cuss word in front of her, you can guarantee she’ll repeat it at the worst possible moment. Like when you’re FaceTiming Grandma on her birthday.
- You’ll get really good at eating chocolate in secret. This is key to surviving life as a toddler mom.
- All visits to the bathroom will be accompanied by a tiny human who needs to comment on all your body parts and bodily functions.
But most of all…
Between all the exhaustion, clean-up, and poopy diapers, you’ll also get the biggest belly laughs, the most hilarious stories, and the best hugs and “I wuv you mama.” All jokes aside, life as a toddler mom is hard, but our toddlers are amazing and teach us all kinds of sweet lessons. There’s so much to love about life as a toddler mom! At the end of the day, we can’t imagine our lives without them!