I don’t think I’m alone in saying that being a mom has completely changed my life. It has also drastically changed who I have become as a person. Not all of those changes are bad, but there are some things that I miss about my life and about myself before motherhood.
I used to be Fun. Now, I can still throw a pretty mean Star Wars themed birthday party, but stay out until bar-time? I think not. I used to go to rock concerts and sing all the words. Now, I can sing the theme song to Thomas the Train. A fun night for me involves the couch, popcorn, chocolate, and a show with real people in it. No talking or questions allowed.
I used to be Smart. Before motherhood, I could remember so many things. I knew addresses, people’s names, people’s faces, and I could even match those names to faces. Now, when I run into you at Target and I say hello with a confused look on my face, please don’t be offended. I also can’t calculate tips in my head, and that new common-core math has me stumped. I’m dreading having to help with third grade homework this year.
I’m not sure how they did it, but my three kids definitely sucked the brain power right out of me.
I used to be (relatively) Calm. I say relatively because I’ve always dealt with anxiety. Kids, however, brought my anxiety to a whole other level. Plus, the anxiety leads to frustration. I can count on one hand how many times I raised my voice before motherhood. Now, yelling is my second language. Sometimes the volume of my voice even scares me. I’m not sure how these beings that you love so much can be so infuriating and annoying all at the same time. Maybe it’s the fact that I have to ask the same question about five times before I get any type of reaction. Maybe it’s the constant arguing or the wrestle-mania that breaks out in the living room that just pushes me over the edge.
I used to be awake. I used to say that getting up before 7 am was against my religion. Now, if I could sleep in until 6:30 a.m., I would be so thankful. Plus, I never sleep through the night thanks to what pregnancy did to my bladder. I’m not sure I’ll ever feel well-rested again. Even though they aren’t babies (the twins are six and my older son is almost nine), my boys have not learned how awesome sleep is yet. They get up too early, stay up too late, and boycott any and all naps. Before motherhood, I didn’t even drink coffee. Yes, you heard me correctly.
I used to care…about my appearance. I would get dressed every day, wear make-up, and usually even do my hair. Now, a shower is a luxury, and if my pants don’t have an elastic waistband, I must be going somewhere fancy. Sure, my husband still tells me I look beautiful without make-up. When I do put some on or wear my hair down, the kids look at me like I’m an alien. If I wear something that’s not black or workout wear, I get ooos and ahs all around. Of course, I have discovered how important self-care is, but that doesn’t need to include high heels or perfume anymore.
While I do miss a lot about myself before motherhood, I wouldn’t change a thing about where I am at now. I am less selfish, I am more caring, and I’ve found strength I never knew I had. I may not be able to party all night, but it’s more fun to dance in the living room with my boys anyways.
(Ok. I might change the sleeping part.)