TRUE LIFE :: Dear Friend, Dealing with Abuse

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This post is part of a series called the True Life Series, where we share stories written by Milwaukee area moms, but posted anonymously. By and large, these stories are more sensitive in nature or cover topics that may be triggers for some readers. Publishing the piece does not suggest an endorsement by MKE Moms Blog.

However, we want to give these writers the chance to share their stories in a safe space, in the hopes that someone else might resonate and realize they are not alone. Topics in the True Life Series are likely to draw a lot of opinions, but we want to be clear that, out of respect for the writers of these pieces, we will be monitoring comments carefully and deleting anything that is shaming, hurtful, derogatory or otherwise abusive. 

Dear friend,
I wish I could do more than sit and watch. I wish I was there for you at night when he comes home, drunk and angry. I wish I could be your voice to the authorities. I wish I could be there to be your buffer. But I’m not. I’m not there and for that, I’m sorry I’ve failed you. While, I myself, am not the one being abused, watching you makes me feel the pain as well.

I see you. 

The quietness of the kids, the worrisome looks on your face at every sound in your house. The tear-stained eyes I walk in on. The non-stop anger, the weight loss on your body, the scared look in your face even thought you’re trying to be brave. I wish I could stop you from getting hurt, I wish I could take you into my arms and hold you until he goes away. I wish I could take on some of the abuse so you don’t feel it.
I want you to know that this will end. You will be freed and move on. You will find the strength to get through the divorce, so you can go back to smiling, to laughing, to sleeping in peace. One day you will be happy. Your tears will be ones of joy and laughter, not fear. You’ll raise those kids bathed in love.
I know you worry about being the “single mom with baggage.” My friend, you do not need to let that label become your baggage tag. You’ll find a love that nurtures you, helps you grow, pushes you to be better, and gives you the will to live instead of the opposite. You will meet someone who will love your children. You will meet someone who will make you feel secure instead of scared, who will make you laugh instead of cry, who will feed your soul instead of slowly starving it. I choose to believe this because I know it is what you want and what you deserve. 
But, for right now, know that I cry with you. You don’t see my tears because I’m here to support you. I try to stay strong for you. I’m here to listen, I’m here to talk, I’m here for you to cry on and get angry with.

However, when I go home, I feel your pain. 

I cry at night hoping he doesn’t come home and I cry sometimes during the day when I know he’s there, trying to hurt you. I will be there no matter what, so please, take what you need from me. My energy, my smiles, my positivity, anything. Use these things to make you stronger so you can beat this. Beat him. And move on.


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