There are some things I wish that I would have known before becoming a mom.
- There will be lots and lots and lots of poop.
- Potty training is way harder than it looks.
- Stepping on a LEGO is worse than childbirth.
- You CAN function on a few hours of sleep.
- There will be (a lot) of bad days but it’s totally normal.
And the list goes on and on. I can definitely tell you that I didn’t know exactly what I was getting myself into when we decided to start a family but someone should really write a handbook. Like a real, raw truth handbook.
There is a picture of motherhood that is really glamorous. But once you become a mom and are in some of the toughest seasons of your life, you realize that being a mom is hard and extremely selfless. There are days when you feel that you bit off way more than you can chew. Then there are days where you feel like you’ve got it together.
I don’t think that any amount of parenting books could have prepared me for the feelings I experience as a mom. The feeling when you hold your babies for the first time. The feeling when you take them on the first car ride. Or leave them for the first time. Or their first fever.
With all of those expected firsts, there are the other ones, the first that you know are coming, but that you aren’t all too thrilled about. The first time you realize they aren’t a perfect little baby anymore. The first time they tell you no. The first time you have to discipline them. The first call from the teacher. The first time they are caught in a lie.
And what about barely having time during the day to shower or even pee, let alone the energy at night to spend any sort of quality time with my husband, for full conversations or otherwise.
Lately, it seems we’ve been having more rough patches than not. I feel like there is always something that I am not doing, forgetting to do, rushing to do, or just ignoring. I put the boys to bed at night and let out a huge sigh of relief because we managed to make it through another day.
This season feels so full of challenges as a mom but I’m realizing that my heart is more full than I could have ever imagined. I never pictured that motherhood would be so rewarding, yet so difficult, but so wonderful all at the same time.
I never thought of motherhood as the hardest thing I would ever do but that completely sums it up. In all my dreams of the family, the picket fence, the family dog — I never once thought that I would want to wave the proverbial white flag. And I never, ever thought that I would feel so guilty for even admitting that.
But, here’s my truth about motherhood.
For me, motherhood doesn’t look like a Pinterest board. Or an Instagram post. Or even a clean house. It doesn’t always fit the scenario in any of my parenting books. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love being a mom or that I’m not a good mom. And in spite of all the good that comes with motherhood, I still need to feel like my own person and that’s totally okay. I still love being a mom.