Today I’m having a bad day. There’s no other way to put it or spin it into some positive thing. It’s not anyone’s fault or anything specific. I don’t need you to fix anything. It’s a build-up of so many little things.
I’m exhausted. So exhausted. Not just from our baby waking up at 4:30 am but also because my head is constantly preparing for “What’s next.” What food should I make to try to get her to eat, should I be worried she’s not talking more, or how to plan tomorrow’s schedule so she can get a good nap in. I’m sorry I snapped at you when you asked me questions and for when I got impatient while you were making a decision. I know you can’t read my mind, but today that logic went out the window. I know I was passive-aggressive to you. Instead of explaining what I needed, I choose to be upset.
Instead of being grateful for everything you did today, I chose to focus on things I wished you did today.
Some days, I’m just tired of being a human tissue, carrying our daughter everywhere, and having her attached to my hip. Once our daughter goes to bed, I just want to focus on my needs. I just want my own space, but then I realized I didn’t even give you a hug or kiss all day. I’m not even sure I said thank you for the things you did do for our family. It’s not until the end of the day that I even have the energy to acknowledge your day and your feelings.
The truth is, somedays I focus so much on being a good mother, a good coworker, a good sister, friend, and daughter that I forget to focus on being a good wife. I’m far from perfect, but I’m so grateful that on those days when I’m at my worst, you find a way to break down my walls. You tell me to ignore the fact that our floors are dirty, that there’s laundry sitting in the dryer, and that I didn’t even brush my hair today. You give me grace. You tell me I don’t need to apologize. You always find a way to make me laugh and remind me that we are in this mess together.
You remind me of all my good.
Honestly, parenthood can bring out our worst. It pushes us beyond our limits every day, but it also makes us focus our energy on what really matters. At the end of the day, that short time we have together – fills up my cup. You make me feel loved. You make me laugh, and suddenly, I feel like myself again. I know I might not show it every day, but I’m so thankful to have a partner like you. A partner who doesn’t get afraid of my bad days but rather embraces me for everything I’m not. I know I’m lucky and know there are days when I’ll have to return the favor, but for now, thank you. I’m grateful for you and the family we created.