As moms, let’s be real. You need a tribe. You know, that old saying, “it takes a village?” It still holds, and a non-mom friend should be in yours.
I know my tribe has helped me get through more than I can ever thank them all for. That’s also the beauty of the tribe. You don’t have to worry if you did or didn’t do or thank them in some way. It’s just known. We each have a slew of personalities in our tribe. Typically many are mothers themselves. The ones going on the journey right along with us or went through it and were able to provide advice. There’s a special tribe member I would like to pay tribute and acknowledgment to the non-mom friend.
Although there are many personal reasons to love those friends, I have listed the 7 best reasons why moms need non-mom friends.
- Easy to Coordinate. Typically as a mom, we are juggling several schedules on any given day (even if you only have 1 child). The ease of calling up a friend who has more slots open than you, to get together, let your hair down, go for a run, and not have to coordinate between Timmy’s soccer, Sara’s ballet, and Lily’s mommy and me yoga class… it’s relieving. It’s nice to be able to look at your own schedule first and ask, “October 15th, 6-9, can you get together” And all the stars align!
- The Open Forum. The breather from parenting discussions, PTO meetings, meal-planning, and favorite brand of kids shoe. Our worlds get consumed with parenting (and I’ll be the first to say becoming a mother has been the greatest thing to happen to me); however, I also am more than just a mother. I want to still talk about fashion, music, funny adult shows, good movies. You name it. A non-mom friend is my go-to for these conversations.
- The Outsider’s View. That outside perspective on advice. Sometimes our mom-brains are so clogged with schedules, forms, documents, homework, laundry, cooking, dishes, Sara’s favorite sock that’s missing. That sometimes, an idea, answer, or option is actually right in front of us, but it can take an outsider to tell us. There have been many times discussing or venting with friends about something in parenthood, and a simple “have you ever tried this..” gave the best and EASIEST idea. How did I not think of that? Oh yes, because of that mom clog.
- The Kudos. As parents, we do A LOT. Sometimes we know it. Sometimes we don’t know it. Sometimes we get appreciated for it. Many times, however, we don’t get appreciated or acknowledged for it. That non-mom friend is such a great person to remind you of all you are doing, taking on, “making it look flawless” while our heads are spinning and wondering if what you snapped about that morning your child is going to remember when they are 17 and all of a sudden not like you for it, or if that granola bar was really gluten-free and if you’re going to get a call from the office of s stomach ache. That friend sees it, hears it, and feels it. That laundry list of un-done tasks, making every kid event, endless planning, and charts. You may not hear it from yourself, your partner, or your family, but that non-mom friend always comes through to remind you, “you’re killing it.”
- They Stay. They remained friends even after you became a mom or met you through parenthood, and you still didn’t scare them off. Let’s face it; unfortunately, becoming a parent often comes with losing friends. Ones that no longer can relate, ones that fall off the grid, ones that just have a hard time fitting in when children are involved. These friends see your crazy and raise you a great friendship through it.
- The Frants or Funcles. These friends become “aunts or uncles” or “adult friends” to your little ones. Depending on your child’s age, this comes with many different benefits. Have an infant? Those friends love to come to experience the baby phase, the cuddling, the cooing, all the things you love about your little bundle of joy they love too. (Also, you get a good chuckle when they cannot handle a diaper or some spit up). Have a toddler? They become a playdate, love to play games or toys with the kids that sometimes you don’t have time or energy for. They can sure wear them out and have the kids ready for bedtime. Have a kid/pre-teen? That friend enjoys the fun conversations and random world questions. The wise-cracking your kid does, taking them for fun little adventures, or just able to all hang out and talk unicorns and cats. Have a teen? They can become an extended form of family. Maybe they turn into someone your teen feels safe to talk to, to ask a crazy question. Yes, we all want these moments to be ours as parents, but sometimes they need that one person they can go that they trust.
- The Cheerleader! Most importantly, these non-mom friends remind you of your true bad mamajama self. The woman that can do it all, the strength of 10 lions, the heart of a blue whale, the hilarious and wildly fun woman you are, the joy and spark you have within you, but sometimes you lose focus on. That friend reminds you of that version of you that you can’t always tap into and need a little tug to rekindle with her.
Thank you, friends, for providing so much to a tired mom, an overwhelmed mom, sometimes feeling lost mom, or just needing a breather mom. We couldn’t do it without you and look forward to being part of your tribe if children are in your future.