It was our first Valentine’s Day together as a newly dating couple (mind you, a dating couple that agreed to no sex for 90 days (that story to come). I opened an envelope that had a gift certificate for a personal boudoir session.
At first, I thought, boudoir session? “hahaha, the oldest trick in the book, really a gift for HIM!!”
He then explained how this was actually a session for me to have for myself, a time to feel like a woman, turn off mom mode and feel like the sexy woman and mother he always sees in me. Since my early 20’s, I was always a very sexual woman, but that was under a lot of insecurities and past trauma. I was working on accepting myself. I had modeled for many years in my past, but this, this felt so different. Little did I know this truly was going to be an incredible gift for myself.
I made the appointment, filled out all the questionnaires about things I liked, styles I was drawn to, and then the laundry list of ideas of looks and things to bring. I was c o u n t i n g down the days, partially being nervous but also the excitement. After many nights of laying out my ideas, outfits, and accessories, the day finally came. That morning it was SNOWING like crazy. I even thought, “how am I supposed to feel warm and sexy in a Wisconsin snow-filled day?” So I threw on my favorite sweats (his) and clunky boots and grabbed my bag of sexy items, made sure to be decently full and hydrated (as it did warn: will be sore from posing). I started driving to the location, blasting my favorite sexy songs, usually a lot of Rihanna at that moment. When I parked and began walking up to the doors, the butterflies hit! That is when I started to get nervous… WHY?? I took thousands of photos over the years. Why would this be any different?
I knocked on the door, and this beautiful and sweet photographer greeted me. I think she could tell I was a tad nervous. Maybe it was my rushing, stuttering, dewy forehead from sweating, screechy voice, hmmm not sure what gave it away. She instantly told me to relax, set down my things, had some small talk about mutual friends, and she proceeded to show me around the room and get a feel for my ideas. Next thing you know, I’m getting ready for my first look (I put several things on inside out and or backwards, I was a mess. Once I got myself together, I slowly creeped out to the main room, and we just began talking.
With her assistance with posing, we began capturing the images. It was so comforting, and THIS was so different than any of the fashion work I had under my belt. She challenged me to touch my skin, my body, and to think of things in my mind and, in a sense, pretend she wasn’t there. EEK! Difficult at first, but I got better at it throughout the session.
As Beyonce says, I was “feeling myself, feeling myself feelin it, feelin it.”
After a bit of shooting, I got to take a peek. I could not believe what I saw. It was ME! We captured about 5 looks, each one more and more exciting and more experienced. The session was coming to an end, and I didn’t even want to leave! I left feeling so proud, sexy, empowered, and 100% me in my skin. I was already working on a more confident path, and this boudoir session was the exact push I needed to continue it.
I was shedding the layers of skin from loss, sexual abuse, being unloved, and feeling powerless, unfeminine, worthless, and unhealthy. Through this boudoir session, I was able to reveal a powerful, beautiful, confident, healthy, sexy, happy, and very loved woman. Who knew that a little Valentine’s Day gift from my partner turned into being much more than just a gift. It gifted me so much more as a woman, and I am truly thankful for the experience.
I had a friend once tell me, “if you are not into yourself, how do you expect anyone else to be?” The same can be said for many things, but this truly set the new tone for my confidence. Whether in sweats or lingerie, morning hair or sick as a dog, 4-day old quarantine outfits or a night out… I still feel sexy because it’s all in myself and what we feel inside is what comes out. So if you feel in a rut and need a little spice back in your life..married, dating, or single, you can look into a professional boudoir session, a fun hour with your partner as the photographer, or set up your own camera by yourself. But get to know yourself, “let your hair down,” turn on the tunes, bust out your favorite sexy items and let yourself be free.
Yes, MOMS ARE SEXY and should feel it and own it as often as possible. So go on with your bad self!