The Morning I Tried to Take My Vitamins


One morning, I was trying to take my vitamins–in the morning–when I’m supposed to. This is what actually happened:

As I reached into the fridge to grab the probiotics, I saw there was an open cup of milk just sitting on the shelf. I take the probiotics out along with the cup of milk. I put the probiotics on the counter and dump the milk. As I set the cup in the sink, I realize the sandwich container I need for my son’s lunch (he’s in soccer camp this week) is sitting in there. I begin to wash it and then sigh as I quickly wash the cup I just put in the sink, along with two knives, two forks, and the plates from breakfast.

After I’m done washing the dishes, I go to open the cabinet where the fish oils are and my daughter is standing in front of it asking for honey to put in her oatmeal. I get the honey out of the cabinet and hand it to her. She opens the microwave where my cup of coffee from this morning is sitting, and asks me if I want to re-heat it. I tell her yes and she proceeds to heat up my cup of coffee.

In the meantime, my youngest comes in and spills a cup of water all over the floor. I grab a rag to wipe it up and put it in the cabinet under the sink. I realize I have no more rags because they’re overflowing in the cabinet. I hear the beep from the microwave, grab my cup of coffee, and put it on the counter. I grab all the rags from under the sink and run downstairs to throw them in the washer. As I run past the dryer, I remember the comforter is still in the dryer from the night before. After I turn on the washer, I grab the comforter and run back up the stairs to put it on my son’s bed. I come back downstairs, see the vitamins but before I can take them, my daughter reminds me that my coffee is sitting on the counter. I grab the coffee, my favorite thing in the world, and walk into the living room to try to catch the weather.

At this point, I see our puppy trying to eat my couch. I grab all the pieces he’s ripped and put him outside. As I’m putting him outside, I remember he has an appointment and I need to grab a fecal sample for the vet. I quickly run into the house, grab a bag and then go back outside to grab a sample. I walk in just in time to see my youngest running to my coffee and I yell. Loudly. He jumps and steps away from the coffee as he laughs like only a diabolical preschooler can. I keep eye contact until I grab the mug. I walk into the kitchen and realize we have 10 minutes before we have to leave the house. I try to gulp down as much coffee as humanly possible without burning my esophagus and I gurgle to the kids to get ready.

15 minutes later, we’re out the door and one block later, I utter a choice word.

I forgot to take my vitamins.


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