Today we are kicking off a new series called the True Life Series, where we share stories written by Milwaukee area moms, but posted anonymously. By and large, these stories are more sensitive in nature or cover topics that may be triggers for some readers. Publishing the piece does not suggest an endorsement by MKE Moms Blog.
However, we want to give these writers the chance to share their stories in a safe space, in the hopes that someone else might resonate and realize they are not alone. Topics in the True Life Series are likely to draw a lot of opinions, but we want to be clear that, out of respect for the writers of these pieces, we will be monitoring comments carefully and deleting anything that is shaming, hurtful, derogatory or otherwise abusive.
I almost had an affair.
It’s not that I have a bad marriage. We’ve been married for over a decade. We have lovely children. We have regularly schedule date nights. We talk, our sex life is fine. There is nothing that should have pointed me to another man. I just found myself in the situation one day.
When I first got married I was one of those brides that believed I had met my soulmate. A man who touched every part of me. My mind, my heart, my brain, and my soul. Things were great. Throughout the years we had kids, and we continued to grow together. We did lots of traveling and loved exploring new things together.
Then one day I met him. We connected immediately. We talked about everything, from our kids to the weather. Soon, I found myself craving our conversations. I would wake up in the middle of the night to text messages from him. I would lie about the length of work trips so I could see him and talk to him. I would make up work meetings so I could have even just one hour of good conversation. As my conversations with this man deepened, I realized how little my husband and I talked. This new man touched me in a way I hadn’t been touched in years. I’m not talking literally. I’m talking mentally. He treated me like an equal. He concerned himself with my daily, mundane life. He challenged me to do better at work, as a mom, and with myself. He made me think about what I let go and didn’t work on anymore.
He made me SPECIAL.
I think it was the special part that really got to me. I know my husband loves me, I’m sure he appreciates everything I do, but, like most marriages, things get real after a few years. The spark everyone wants and craves, dies down, sometimes into just a burning ember. We get used to having our partner there, but in the midst of life you don’t realize how much you lose yourself in marriage, or in motherhood. You wake one day and realize how much things have changed.
My husband doesn’t suspect anything. And, nothing physical has happened between me and this other man. We’ve talked about what would happen if we dated. Just like a new relationship, we talk about how great it would be, how happy we would be, how loving we would be. But, in the deep dark of the night I think about my future with this other man, and I think about years down the line. When the relationship isn’t new, when it isn’t powered by sex and lust, and new conversation, when it becomes real, like my marriage. I think about my kids and how hurt they would be to have their mom break off something that’s a good thing,
I feel like I’ve momentarily stepped off the family train.
Perhaps it’s my insatiable desire for something new, something I lost a while ago. Or perhaps, years down the line, I’ll find that this was the start of the end of my marriage. But until the day comes, I’m going to continue to lead this life, of a wife and mother.
The man and I still talk, but we’ve drastically reduced the amount of time we talk. We both realized how much we were being consumed by our relationship and how it was affecting us. We’ve cut down on the emotional, heavy conversations, and focus on the small things. I think that both of us hope that one day we’ll be able to explore us as a couple, but that’s so far away in the future there isn’t a reason to focus on it now. For right now, I’ve learned to appreciate my husband more and I’m desperately trying to find my path back to the family train.