A Letter to My Children’s First Mom


To the Woman who loved my children first,

When we first met I wasn’t able to fully see you, I was blinded by my point of view. I only saw the events that resulted in your children coming to my home in need of a safe place. I am sorry that I couldn’t see behind that to the hurt that you carry. I’m sorry you experienced that pain in the first place. 

While I once saw you as an adversary, I have come to view you as more of an ally because you and I are on the same side. We both love and want the best for these children we share and what amazing children they are. You the woman who loved my children first made some incredible human beings. They are beautiful inside and out with a drive for life and great big hearts for others. I want you to know that our children are healthy and thriving and that you still and forever hold a place in their hearts that is yours – only yours.

I know you had hopes and dreams for who your children would be and what they would do – the things you would teach them as they grew inside of you. I know that there are many things you didn’t have the chance to do with them and my heart breaks at the thought of you mourning these losses with your children. There are so many days especially those like birthdays and Christmas where my joy is tainted by the thought that another Momma isn’t able to celebrate these moments with her children. 

I want you to know that our children are living a beautiful life.

They have hurts and wounds, no doubt, that we are committed to helping them work through for the long haul. They each have their own strengths and interests. Our daughter is strong and resilient with the most nurturing, sweet heart for others and our little boys are the best of friends who love nothing more than playing race cars together. The children we both hold claim to are growing up together just as they should be and their bond is unmistakable.   

I know that could you have done it differently, you would have. I know you will you always be marked by the children you were not able to raise, but I pray that you have found that better place for yourself. I pray that you are healthy and safe and living a life that brings you satisfaction. Please keep going, keep going for yourself for all the life that still lies ahead of you. I realize you have hurt and experienced unspeakably deep loss. You the Woman who loved my children first have been unseen and felt unloved for too long. Please hear me when I say I will always love you for the gift of life you choose for the children we both love.



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