Yes, I Have Three Daughters but You Don’t Need to Feel Bad for Me

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Yes, I’m a mom to three daughters. But, no, you don’t have to feel bad for my husband. And you definitely don’t need to feel sorry for me.

During each of our pregnancies, we chose to keep the gender a surprise. Call us old-fashioned, but we love the excitement and anticipation of not knowing. Our first pregnancy was a beautiful, unplanned blessing. And personally, the surprise of being pregnant and preparing for our first baby left little emotional space for me to decide my preference between boy vs. girl. With our next two daughters, I was genuinely just hoping for pregnancies and deliveries as healthy, smooth, and safe as our first. And each time we were so happy to be handed a healthy baby…after we heard the words, “She’s a girl!”

Of course, we would have also been thrilled with a boy, but we were never disappointed with welcoming another daughter. 

That seems to be a truth that is hard for a lot of people to swallow. Without fail, if I am out with all three of my girls or am talking about my kids, someone will inevitably say:

“All girls! Good luck when they’re teens!”

“All girls! Your poor husband!”

“All girls! When are you going to try for a boy?”

I’m sure that boy moms reading this can relate because they hear basically the same thing (just with different words or stereotypes substituted in). 

My response is usually to smile and say, “Yep, all girls,” and then make my exit as quickly as possible. I don’t usually allow myself to get upset, but if I am honest, these comments infuriate me. I can’t stand that someone assumes the worst in response to the most precious parts of me. I mean, what?!? I’m pretty sure that:

a) Teenage problems, drama, and angst can come from either gender.

b) My husband is amazing and will rock a tiara at a tea party as quickly as he will teach one of his girls how to throw a punch or kick a soccer ball.

c) My reproductive plans are not anyone else’s business, except my husband’s. And if we are blessed with another child, I can assure you it will not be because we are “trying for a boy.”

But most importantly, d) mind your own business!

I would also like to explain, that yes, there is never a lack of talking in my house. And my laundry is overwhelmingly pink, purple, and sparkly. In general, there is an affinity towards Fancy Nancy and Disney Princesses over Spiderman and Batman. However, my daughters also do not fit perfectly into the typical girl stereotypes. They are SO VERY LOUD, they are athletic and competitive, they don’t mind getting dirty, they joke and giggle about potty words, and they are diehard Packer-Badger-Brewer fans!

My husband and I wouldn’t change our girls for anything. We don’t feel incomplete without a boy. We aren’t disappointed. You don’t have to feel sorry for us. We feel incredibly blessed, and WE LOVE OUR FAMILYYes, I Have Three Daughters but You Don’t Need to Feel Bad for Me

 

3 COMMENTS

  1. Hi Stephanie, it’s Jasmine (mom of 4 boys and Jackie’s neighbor). Jackie just forwarded this to me as I had just posted something similar on FB about the latest rude comment I received:”All 4 boys are yours? Oh I feel so sorry for you.” It really is infuriating. Another one I’ve heard is “you better hope for a girl next time so you have someone there for you when your old.”
    Some people are just plain idiots!!! Thanks for writing this.

  2. Also have 4 boys and I relate. I don’t really mind when I know someone and they’re curious about what it’s like, but strangers say the dumbest things. And sometimes they imply boys are such an awful thing with my boys standing right there!! Besides it’s amazing how much variety you get in children who are all the same gender. It is never, ever dull because they are all so different so I never have it figured out!

  3. I have three girls as well, ages 11, 10, and 7 and can’t tell you how many times I have heard some of same comments you mentioned in your blog. I usually give people the benefit of the doubt that their comments are just to break the ice and do not come from a mean place, but would prefer if that is all they can come up with, that they stay silent instead. We heard the one about trying for a boy when mine were younger a lot more, but since we are obviously done having children, much less often now. Now it’s usually about wishing me luck with having three teenage girls at the same time, since that will be happening in the near future. I have never, not even for one second, wished my children were anyone other than who they are. We are blessed beyond measure to have three healthy girls and I wouldn’t trade one minute of the constant loudness, chaos, and sometimes drama, that comes from not just girls, but kids in general.

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