“With Our Luck, It Will Be Another Girl”

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another girl

I saw a cutie pie and her momma in the Denver airport a few weeks ago. Something about this princess reminded me a bit of my daughters twenty years ago when they would get excited about the simplest, yet sweetest, of things. I asked how old this cutie patootie was and the young mother shared the little one’s age and added, “I am expecting another this September.” I congratulated her and then, as her toddler swung around her legs, she added, “Yeah, but with our luck, it will be another girl.”

I was a little stunned. And I was more than a little sad. How often do we say things within hearing of our children not realizing how damaging the sentiment can be? Now, this post is not meant to be a judgement on one gender of child over another. Nor is it meant to judge parents who have a gender wish. Having daughters, though, I might be overly sensitive to phrases such as, “Boys are easier to raise than girls,” or “I bet your husband wishes he had a son.” He doesn’t, by the way. He has told people how insulting this is when said. It seems to say that our daughters are lacking or not good enough or that he couldn’t possibly love them as much as a son.

So, in answer to the Denver airport momma’s “another girl” comment, I simply remarked, “We are lucky to have three daughters and love every minute.” It is not my place to lecture a stranger on a belief system so ingrained into our society that I don’t even think she realized how her off-hand statement might impact her daughter’s sense of self-worth later. Boys will be boys, but our daughters are expected to be polite and ladylike. Boys will be boys, but our daughters are judged on their language, their dress, their volume. Boys will be boys, but our daughters are shown by inadvertent remarks, media, fashion, and the like that they are somehow not enough. Not thin enough, not busty enough, not pretty, graceful, gracious, polite, popular, or sexy enough.  Boys will be boys, but our daughters are turned into objects who are appreciated more for comportment, beauty, societal standards, and conformity than they are for being talented, smart, or creative. 

So, let me change the emphasis on the comment “With our luck, it will be another girl.”

  • With our luck, it will be another girl full of sunshine and smiles to warm our hearts.
  • With our luck, it will be another girl to give us butterfly kisses and fists of dandelion flowers.
  • With our luck, it will be another girl who rides motorcycles one day and looks elegant for prom the next.
  • With our luck, it will be another girl. Someone to play soccer or volleyball or football with in the yard.
  • With our luck, it will be another girl. Someone like Madame Curie (science) or Mary Somerville (math) or Lise Meitner (nuclear fission) who will contribute to the improvement of the human race.
  • With our luck, it will be another girl. Sisters to share secrets, to laugh with, and to comfort each other when we finally leave this earth.
  • With our luck, it will be another confident, strong, smart, talented girl who makes the world a better place.
  • With our luck, it will be another girl and she will be enough.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Thank you for the article, Shel. This mother you ran in to would have been me. I have been struggling this whole pregnancy because of it. A relationship coach in one of my business networking groups actually said that girls have an image in their minds of what their family dynamics are from the time they get their first baby doll, which is why some women struggle when they picture a boy and get a girl (or vice versa). This made me feel a little better about the way that I have been handling this third pregnancy. I am VERY blessed to have a boy and a girl, in that order, and this third baby as healthy. Just always pictured another boy. This article helped me realize how awesome potentially having a sister for my baby girl would be, and how strong of a woman/mom you become raising girls because of those expectations of girls from society that you discussed. It is very true. Sons capture their mother’s heart and have a special mother-son bond that is so indescribable, and it is so amazing to see my husband with my son teaching him sports, talking football with him, etc. Just like a relationship with a daughter, a son has very cool relationship; I don’t want to downgrade having a son, it’s why I wanted one more boy. But thank you for giving me an even better perspective on having another daughter (I would not trade my daughter for anything in this world). As difficult as they are to raise, when they are adults they are your best friends <3

  2. To be honest, I don’t care whether I have boys or girls, but I do want both. If I had four girls, I would totally make this comment and expect a little sentiment. I am quite infertile and grateful for any child I can have. But because I’ve always wanted both, I equally discriminate: I want my daughters to have a brother. I would want any sons to have sisters. I just really feel like it gives great perspective for siblings to grow up among those similar and those different from them.

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