The joys of trying to conceive… NOT!


Am I a medical professional? No, I am not. This is not medical advice. This is me purely venting out and seeking women equally or even more annoyed than I am. I am a woman who is using this platform to vent out my frustrations when it comes to trying to conceive a child. For context, I am a mother of a toddler. I am married, and I work full time. Also, I am someone who saw a negative pregnancy test this morning.

When I tried to conceive the first time, it took us about 6-7 months to conceive naturally without any treatment. My period cycles have been pretty regular all my life. However, the month my husband and I decided to try and get pregnant, my cycles decided punctuality was overrated, and the cycles ranged from 35-41 days.

Initially, we tracked my period cycles using an app. In months 1 and 2, we had sex during my ovulation window (or so what I thought). And no, I didn’t get pregnant. In the third month, I used ovulation kits, and my gosh! It was stressful! I used them like it was a pregnancy test and then read the actual instructions. Yikes, you got to pee mid-day and make sure you haven’t peed 4 hours before taking the test. I mean, who remembers all this??? When nature calls, let be honest, I always answer! Now I needed to hold it in and manage my fluid intake to make sure I don’t pee before taking the test.

I manage to figure all this out and find when the ovulation test says I’m ovulating. I now announce to my husband, ‘We need to have sex now!’ God forbid we argue that day like Monica & Chandler in Friends, or we had a heavy meal. Remember, this test is taken mid-day after I have planned out the meals for the day. Moment of brutal honesty, I do not care to have sex after a really good meal. I mean, once I’m in my happy space after a good meal, sex feels a bit tedious, like exercise. It also doesn’t help that my husband and I are pretty darn good cooks.

My husband and I have an amazing marriage, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. We enjoy our sex life, and he most definitely knows how to please me, but we have sex once a week or maybe once in 2 weeks. We both are happy; we both are satisfied. Neither of us cares to have sex 2-3 times a week. I know this is NOT the popular thought, and our couple friends find us odd when we admit this. But let’s be real. Sometimes intimacy isn’t sex. It could be holding hands during movie nights at home, or hugging each other in bed, and having a deep conversation after 11 pm when your partner really wants to sleep, ha!

Circling back to my venting, around month 5 or 6, my friend, who is an OBGYN told me, I needed to have sex every two days after my period ends to really up my chances of getting pregnant, especially since my cycles were all over the place. Again, I repeat, this is NOT me providing medical advice. This is just me sharing my story. So now, we, as a couple, decided to try this out. Surprisingly, it was easier to have sex every two days because now we knew what to look out for. Meal planning was smarter. The pressure/ surprise of foreplay/ sex or ovulation dates were off the table. I kept the ovulation tests aside because, quite honestly, they spiked my stress levels. We tried to get inventive this month with positions, places, and timing. While sex every 2 days didn’t quite happen, we definitely had a good spicy sexy month. 😊

The next month, however, we did manage to have sex every 2 days, and nine-ish months later, we had a happy, healthy baby. Yay!!! 😊

Moving forward to the present day, we are trying to conceive baby #2. I planned to have a baby in Spring 2021. This would then fit with my big life goals. Although we weren’t intentionally trying, conceiving last year was on our minds. I got pregnant but later miscarried the baby. My big life plan came down crashing and burning like everything else in 2020.

2021 started with us trying to conceive again. This time, I carry the stress of the several-month ordeal we went through the first time, combined with the sadness and fear of things not working out the second time. Also, now we need to schedule our toddler’s sleep schedule along with our sex schedule.

Again my period cycles decided to get exciting and become irregular. We did aim to have sex every 2 days, but we weren’t regular. At the same time, my toddler decided naptime isn’t quite her jam anymore. We tried telling her that if she wants a sibling, she needs to nap. This argument is moot because my toddler does not understand what ‘sibling’ is and hasn’t seen a baby since the pandemic. Also, she still babbles, so our conversations leave a lot of room for interpretation.

I suffered a writer’s block on a topic to contribute to Milwaukee Mom recently. And this morning, I was excited to take a pregnancy test because I felt pregnant, but the result was negative. I cried out a river after, out of frustration, sadness, anger, and my lack of control over this situation. I know I am not alone in these feelings, in these situations.

So, I wrote about it, tried to keep it light and funny because laughter is the only way through this.


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