Friendship Changes with Motherhood

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Mom friends

Friendship looks a little different now that I’m a mom. What used to be impromptu late nights out discussing everything under the sun has evolved into abbreviated daytime meet-ups: Unfinished conversations at the park. A super quick coffee and a hug. The most strategically scheduled (around nap time) beer. Either way, conversations are now mostly about our kids and how we’re surviving. 

Not only have conversations evolved, but my friend group has also. Some friendships have been lost while others have become stronger. 

Before I had my little ones, I expected to be able to maintain all of my friendships. I remember being worried about how I didn’t want having kids to change me. I thought I’d be the mom that still got the invitations to brunch or drinks and that I’d be able to maintain that part of my life – especially since I had a promise from my hubby that he would stay home when I wanted to spend time with friends. 

After my first was born, I noticed those friends of mine without kids fading from my life. My attempts to make plans were unsuccessful and the invitations I still expected were not extended. I know I’m not alone when I admit that maintaining friendships is difficult as a mom.

I soon realized that I was not going to be the ‘cool mom’ that I thought all my friends would embrace. This could have made me upset or depressed, but I was too busy caring for my sweet little one to dwell on it. I also didn’t miss these invitations like I worried I would. 

Then I noticed growing support and communication from my mama friends. The random texts to say hi and check in were a huge virtual hug and support in a time when, as a stay at home mama, I could have easily felt isolated and alone. There were texts that make me laugh out loud that could brighten up a somewhat stressful day. Our messages turned into longer chats some days and others turned into actual plans made and our friendships grew. 

In the end, having kids did change me and my friendships, but I’m ok with that now. 

I realize that some friendships exist for a certain period of our lives and others endure the big changes and the hard stuff. Some friendships can endure long moments of silence and others cannot. And some friendships can last when you add kids to the equation and others cannot.

I think about all of my friends past and present and smile. But when I think of my mama friends, my heart truly warms. My mom squad can give advice or just give me the ear I need because they get it and have been there. Sometimes just hearing the “Girl, I know” is enough to keep me going. My friendships with my mom squad are life.

So for my mama friends who welcome my company unshowered and in comfy pants, who make sure to text once a week even if just to say hey, who love me as a mom as much as a woman, and who never judge, I want you to know you are equally as loved and needed and I’m so lucky to have you in my life. 

So make sure you send your mom squad a message of love and support today. Tell them you love them and appreciate their friendship. Thank them for being there for you. And then make sure to plan a night out with drinks, dancing, games, karaoke, or all of the above, together soon.

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