I don’t know what comes next for me, but I can feel myself inching toward a precipice in my life.
It’s been years since I’ve felt on the brink of a major change. Back then, I decided to leave my legal career to stay home and raise my son. I’ve continued staying home to raise my daughter. Soon, both will be in school full-time.
While I have found ways to fill my bucket during these stay at home years, by writing, teaching fitness classes, volunteering at my son’s school, etc., I can feel myself readying for a change. I just don’t know what that change is yet.
I feel unbelievably lucky to be able to explore options for my next chapter in life. At the same time, I’m terrified of not knowing what comes next or having a plan for my future.
I’m trying to calm my anxiety with the knowledge that I don’t have to immediately make a decision or force myself into something that doesn’t fulfill me. All the same, I am scared, but I guess that’s the nature of change for me- it’s scary.
I know I don’t want to step into something that will completely disrupt the beautiful cadence that I have established for my family. At the same time, I can’t stop change from happening. It’s an inevitability in life. After all, as my children grow up our schedules will only become more complicated with homework, extracurricular activities, etc.
I need to get comfortable with the idea that I too can cause change and that doing so is OK.
While I digest this idea, I will keep my eyes and ears open for something that sparks a fire in me. Until then, I will deal with the tough questions. Am I looking in the right place? What if I’m not able to find ‘it’? How will my family and I adjust? Am I going about this all wrong? I guess only time will tell.