For the most part, our two-mom family looks like other families. We work, the kids go to school, there are endless after-school activities and battles over homework. Thanks to marriage equality, TV shows like Modern Family, and a generally more progressive world, it is more common to see different family compositions depicted in the media. Most of the time my family is just like any other family, but there are a few notable differences as a two-mom family.
Forms
Standardized forms are the bane of my existence. Our family rarely fits. I am listed as our youngest son’s father on his birth certificate. It’s a running joke about who gets to be “dad” on school forms. Joking aside, it is frustrating to cross out father and write parent #2. Why can’t all forms just say parent 1 and parent 2. Or even better, responsible adult 1 and responsible adult 2, since not all families consist of even one parent.
Bathrooms
As a mom of three boys, bathrooms are a long-standing annoyance. At what age do you send them into the men’s room alone? For our family, it has been variable. A quick trip to the bathroom to pee, sure use the men’s room. The need to change clothes or spend more time in the bathroom, maybe use the women’s bathroom? Or what if I need to go to the bathroom, do I leave them outside alone? The answer to that is no. They’d be fighting before I even made it into the stall. Thankfully, many business and venues are moving toward gender neutral bathrooms which helps!
All the questions
People have a lot of questions, especially about how we created our family. I honestly believe people are trying to find similarities. But the questions can be insensitive, especially if asked in front of our kids. Here’s what I tell people, if you wouldn’t ask a straight stranger, don’t ask me. I am happy to talk about our life, but please be respectful.
Next time you see a two-mom family, treat them like any other new faces. All families deserve equality and to be celebrated.
